sandralourenco

Here We Go (Again)!

It hurts… but it hurts more to stay away. I guess this is only human. I’ve heard someone say that we only change when the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same.

Seeing my dad, struggling with his health at 75 years old, his body screaming enough of some food and drink it can no longer process, and still eating and drinking what he shouldn’t, believing pills will save him.

I know how this story ends. Eventually the pills will stop working or backfire, making things even worse. But still, I know better than to get annoyed, because I’ve learned a long time ago that, like a Portuguese old saying goes, “The worst blind person is the one that refuses to see.”

It’s so easy to see solutions for others; but when it comes to our own selves, we can be so blind too. We resist change, crave comfort, the security of what we know, even when it no longer fits us.

This song talks about patterns, karmic cycles, whatever you want to call them. Actions we keep doing, that we know are hurtful, but we just can’t seem to help but doing anyway. But it talks about them with a sense of humour. Seeing the humour, the ridiculous in our darkest and most hurtful patterns is the beginning of the shift. Once we start taking ourselves more lightly, not so seriously, we start opening up space for change.

So Here We Go Again is the beginning of the shift, not only in tone but also in energy. It’s lighter, not so serious or heavy like the other singles. It’s the beginning of the acceptance of what is, so we can finally open space to what can be.

Here we Go Again, available here.

When Your Heart Skips A Beat

It still amazes me how each song I release coincides perfectly with some life event this year. I guess it’s a good sign; it means I’m doing exactly what I should be doing, and living exactly what I should be living. At least that’s the way I choose to face it, and this brings me enormous amounts of peace, an inner peace very necessary through all these outside storms.

My Heart Skips A Beat talks about facing reality, to see through our fantasies or illusions. We’ve all been there: imagine craving that cake, ice-cream or whatever, only to get disappointed once you taste it. You imagined this amazing flavor, but in the end the looks were better than the taste. It still looks good, but it turned out not to be as expected.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed about being a singer, to sing on stage, and be admired by many. That dream came true. I love the stage, but not as much as I used to. I don’t want to be above people or to be admired by them anymore. I want to be at the same level. To show them that they too are capable of being extraordinary at something and be at ease showing that in front of everyone.

Even during my tour in the UK with The Cides, I started feeling out of place. I don’t like bars, alcohol, loud music or staying awake late at night. But once I got on stage, that weirdness went away, as I felt the music flowing through me, my musician friends and the audience. We connected through music.

“Now what?” – I caught myself thinking. I love music, singing, but I am definitely not the typical artist who plays at bars and drinks beer with everyone. So, what kind of artist am I?

I’m working on the answer. I’m a work in progress, as much as my album.

And relationships are much like that too. Broken expectations, illusions, disappointments. That of course, if you choose to focus in the Future and what will be or can be someday.

I learned my lesson. I focus in the Present now. To be the best version of myself I can be now, and to appreciate what I have now. The Future has a way of sorting itself out, if you truly appreciate your Present.

My Heart Still Skips A Beat, available in September 25th 2025 here.

Dealing With Contrast(es)

Every song that I release this year is done while I navigate through a big life event; events that we all go though them eventually. Something happens that has a profound impact in us, our lives, even who we are.

Usually these events happen separately, but there are times when life just feels like “one damn thing after another” (a quote usually atributed to Winston Churchill but that’s actually from a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay), and that’s the perfect description of 2025 for me so far.

My great friend and former therapist had been struggling with cancer for a while. She had bad and better moments, and even though we usually talked by voice messages as we were living in different cities, I could always tell by her voice how she was doing.

When I got the news that she had passed away, exactly the same day as I was exporting the final version of my song Contraste, I played her last voice message, sent one month ago. And there it was, the weakness I had felt, caused by the disease and the supposed cure as well (she was doing chemo).

She got worse at the same time my mom did. As she was struggling with her health, I focused in helping my mom. Part of me feels bad for not being there for her. But I also know I did my best, and that she chose to live her final days surrounded only by her closed ones and herself.

But what I really want to talk about here are not her final days. I want to talk about how special this soul is, and how fortunate I feel for having met someone like her.

In my relationship, things were getting worse and worse. I didn’t know how to communicate and he would just simply not even try. I’ve been asking for us to do couple’s therapy for half a year, but with no avail.

I didn’t know what else to do. So I decided to do therapy myself. Luísa was the partner of a great friend of mine, and she did something called holistic therapy. I decided to give it a try.

At first I had a hard time opening up about my relationship, so I started talking about how I was having a hard time with my dad. Even living far away, everytime we talked on the phone there was tension and I would end up feeling frustrated, unheard and angry. There were other issues going on that were causing this, but I don’t want to get into details. Luísa said a sentence in that very first appointment that shaked everything I tought I knew. Even without me mentioning it, she went straight to what was causing all the issues.

I remember getting out of there confused, with a massive headache for all the information she gave me, but also fully humbled. I understood I had a long way to go, and that she was the right person to help me out on that journey.

She became so much more than just a therapist or guide. Her appointments were bilateral. She would share almost so much of her life as I would share of mine. She told me stories of her Past, life experiences, and we both learned so much with each other. Eventually the appointments ceased and we would just meet as friends.

Looking back now, to the last time I saw her and went to her house, she was already going away in a sense. But we have such a hard time accepting death. We try to stay optimistic, we try to “fix” it, deny it. I saw and felt how sick she was, how weak her body was. But she was saying chemo was getting good results, and I wanted to stay optimistic with her. She was really bored to stay home (she couldn’t leave as her immune system was compromised), so I tried to suggest solutions so she could bring a bit of Nature inside.

I wish I could have been more focused on her, on her journey. Her beautiful eyes. Her delicate hands. Her warm embrace. But we always have so much going on, right? On that time I was dealing with a legal action against a real estate agency.

I guess this was her final lesson to me, her final reminder: live every moment fully, with your full attention. Don’t let your mind contaminate moments with thoughts about other things.

Contraste, available everywhere today. Listen to it here.

Life is Made of Eventuality(ies)

The most defying song of this year came out today.

Eventuality was an unusual song from day one. Originally made with two bass lines and two vocal lines, it disguised in its simplicity something very deep: the masks we use to hide our pain, sometimes deep suffering.

Similar to the two previous releases, the recording of this song coincided with a huge personal challenge: the acute, sudden decay of my mom’s health.

Every note reflects this challenge. The eventuality of life, the unpredictable, and what’s left when everything else falls apart.

Eventuality, available everywhere, in my mom’s 71st birthday: July 25th. Listen to it here.

You’ll Never Know (how much time you have left)

When I initially wrote this song, I had no idea it would turn into the song that would witness the transition of my beloved dog Vegeta. Part of me already knew it was coming. Her health was going downhill very fast, and the trip to the vet was just a confirmation and a last attempt to keep her in this physical plane.

After her passing was complete and I got back to work, I heard something I never heard before in this song. You see, I wrote this song for my former partner, realizing that in our hardest moments, all I wanted to feel was his love. Just a hug, a smile, actions that are so simple and yet hold immense power.

But after Vegeta passed, all I could think of is how much I would miss her physical presence; her soft fur, her sweet smell that felt like home, every little detail I can remember. I don’t want ever to forget any of those details that made her who she was. And as I was hearing the song, it was like it was her singing to me! How could that be?! It was my own voice, lyrics written so many years ago, but she was singing to me: “In your darkest moments, my dear human friend, all I ever wanted was to feel your love, your embrace, your smile. But you were so lost, so consumed in your own pain that you never noticed.”

And I cried, so much. I’m still crying as I write this. Because I never thought about how much my pain (and my focus on my own pain) was hurting not only me, but my former partner and my dearest fur companion. She could feel the tension, the pain. So many times she was soaring high, but I kept my feet on the ground. All she ever wanted was for us to fly with her. That’s all our furry friends want from us, from us to live lightly, enjoy the simple things in this world, and to enjoy them with us, but I guess we’ll never know how.

Well, I’m learning, Vegeta. Thank you so so much for being such a patient teacher.

You’ll Never Know, out May 23rd 2025. Pre-save it now!

Time Stood Still… Again

There was something special about this song. I felt it when I first released it, back in March 30th, 2020. It wasn’t like other Sandra Bullet songs. However, I didn’t get it quite right. I remember struggling with it, trying as hard as I could to get the sound I wanted. I eventually had to compromise and settled with that first version.

Looking back now, it’s obvious why that was: Time Stood Still was never meant to be a Sandra Bullet song. Even without me knowing (at least consciously), there was someone else singing, someone else telling me that wasn’t it.

You see, before Sandra Bullet was born, there was Sandra Lourenço. But she always felt like a misfit, bullied at school, ignored at home, always the new kid, the one that doesn’t fit in. And so, she hid herself. She bought new clothes and built a new personality: confident, proud, strong.

Little by little, that side of her started dominating everything she did. But some could still see that little sweet girl inside her. Somehow, even in my darkest moments, specially in my darkest moments, that little girl was the one holding me, caressing me, smiling at me.

And now, it’s time to honor that little girl. The one that always dreamed to be a singer. I let her call the shots, and as I did that, she took ownership of Time Stood Still. It was the only pre-released song she wanted to include on the album because in a way, it was always hers.

You see, Sandra Lourenço sings from an open heart. And an open heart invites all feelings and even all sides of oneself, and so you will recognise the Bullet here and there, in a word or note. She will always be a side of me, a side of strength, determination and power; but she will never be all of me.

Time Stood Still, out April 25th 2025. Pre-save it now!

The Story Behind The Upcoming Album

My first romantic relationship lasted 16 years. We met when we were only 18, and had no idea what we were doing. But we loved each other, deeply. We were also best friends. But, on the contrary of what people usually tell you, that’s not enough for a fulfilling (or at least functional) relationship.
We were too young, too emotionally immature at first. Almost every argument started with the smallest thing, and would escalate into one of us breaking up with the other. After a few days, we would be exhausted of being mad and get back together.
Years went by, the arguments stayed, the break-ups were (almost) fully replaced with the silent treatment, pouting or hurtful communication, lasting sometimes weeks.
It was painful, but staying away seemed to be even worse.

Most of those feelings I turned into lyrics and songs. Strumming my electric guitar softly late at night because I couldn’t sleep, haunted by what seemed to be an impossible situation. Singing what I couldn’t say, many times while crying, music was my escape.
I released some of these songs (Passado Presente, Longe, Depressão, What Tha Hell, Time Stood Still), but others were just too emotionally heavy, so I kept them to myself.
When my healing journey began, I started seeing things more clearly; and with clarity, I knew what to do next.

With the break-up, came grief: grieving not only the end of the relationship itself, but the place I called home, the city I called home, the workplace I had built from scratch, but the hardest grief of all was grieving my best friend. Not being able to talk to him like we used to. And then, seeing him moving on so fast with someone else, building a family with someone else.
Again, I did what I do best: I transmuted these emotions into music.

Eventually, I started feeling more confident in my process, and decided to share not only some of those songs but also reflections about relationships, personal growth and life overall in the podcast “Reflections Of A (Slightly) Conscious Being“. And with that, it became clear that the next step would be a full album with those songs.

I struggled with that idea for a while. Some songs were incomplete, and others carried some messages I no longer related with. I doubted myself. Should I release such painful songs? Force myself to finish them, feel that pain that is so familiar and yet still so painful?
Then, I took a look around. So many people stuck in the same patterns. Feeling the same emotions I did. I thought about how much music helped me deal with all that pain, not only making music but also hearing songs from other artists, songs that resonated with the pain I felt inside. And then I felt selfish. Why should I keep these songs to myself? Knowing that maybe, one of them will help someone that is looking for a song to relate with, to cry with, to sing their way out of those tears.
This album is for all of them, and to be honest, for everyone else. Because we all felt unloved at some point in our lives. We all have felt abandoned, betrayed, left out, inadequate, not good enough, broken, flawed, stupid, ugly and so on. Sometimes we blamed others for it, sometimes we blame ourselves.

I am no different. We are, after all, only human, and that’s what this album is all about: human relationships.

New Release Coming Up!

5 years ago, I was just getting started on my musician full time career. And as every songwriter, I was eager to share my music with the world. So I decided to put together an EP with 5 original compositions, all by myself.

It was a roller coaster of emotions, and a landmark on my artist career. It’s a very intimate and personal work, because it was made entirely by me, song-writing till master, recordings and even graphic design.

Many times artists look at their first releases with scorn and even a bit of shame. Because of course, we’re so much better and more evolved today, and we would never release such work today, God forbid!

I don’t think like that. I see things that could have been done better yes, but always keeping in mind what I knew and my conditions back then. And so, I look at all my past works with love, fondness and a smile on my face.

And you guys too. You, that follow me, that sing “lalaia” so many times with me, live or online. What’s coming on December 5th is for you.

If you’re not already, please follow me on Instagram and/or Facebook, as I’ll be posting more news soon.

New Single Release! Time Stood Still (Kazumi Anzai Remix)

I wasn’t planning this release. My plan was to have 3 more releases this year; but something amazing happened: an amazing remix happened!

Kazumi Anzai decided to turn one of my songs into an amazing dance-floor hit! And then of course, I couldn’t stand still and release it as is; I had to make a videoclip to complement this amazing and unexpected work of art. 😜

You can watch the videoclip or get the song here: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/sandrabullet/time-stood-still-kazumi-anzai-remix